Bear suit, grrrrrrrr

Before I put my bear suit on, go completely insane, and just generally make a fool of myself by making an embarassing and public spectacle out of the entire situation...



I think I'm going to calm down and think it over for a few more days. I honestly don't want to end up embracing my crazy DNA and allowing my anger to define me. There are so many other parts of me that are infinitely more interesting and worth focusing on. I already feel slightly better after the previous post.

Just know that I have enough dirt on you to bury you and all twelve of your split personalities, so I am not to be fucked with right now. Other than that, enjoy your temporary pardon - it's the only one you'll get from me.

A religion of convenience.

I'm about to get very, very dirty. Gloves are coming off. I'm about to do something I have secretly sworn to myself for decades that I would never ever do.



Not exactly what I had in mind. Let's try a scene from "Otto; or, Up With Dead People", which is a movie about a homosexual zombie trying to find love while fulfilling his insatiable need to consume human flesh. Yes, this should be a little more fitting. I can feel it.



Perfection. So, what exactly is about to happen? [Deep breath. More of a sigh than anything.] Fuck. There is still part of me that refuses to believe that you are the total monster and horrible person you have proven yourself to be time and time again. But... I think I've been far too kind for far too long. I think I have forgiven too much of what can never be forgotten and that I've been too silent when I should have been screaming vitriol all along. For anyone in the dark, I'm about to severely damage - if not completely destroy - my "relationship" with my mother. Our past is complicated, twisted, dark, tragic, insane, and horrifying. All of which I've done a supremely great job at not even hinting at much less reviewing and broadcasting to the anonymous viewing audience of my various blogs.



Well... That's about to change.

Over what I anticipate will be several posts and the better part of a week, I will be examining the past I share with my mother. This will not be easy and it will not be pleasant. I think, however, it is now necessary. I have held back for as long as I could. As time passes, I lose more and more reason and cause to do so. All of what will follow was inspired - or perhaps provoked - by the following image from the internet (posted by my mother on her facebook page) and the comment exchange attributed to that image posting between my mother and sister - and very briefly myself as well. All of which I will share with you now before proceeding. Please note that it is not the image in question that I take issue with. What I take issue with is the mentality and philosophy of the poster of said image as demonstrated in the comments and the posts that will follow over the next few days. But for now, here's a preview of the issue I'm about to address. Here's my mother for you.



[The comment section for the above image on my mother's facebook page as of time of posting.]

Sister: And how do they feel about divorce?? Ha

Mother: depends on how unevenly "yoked" you are....if a Non believer wants out of the marriage and there can be no resolution it does state that a Christian has to let them go.....That is Biblical....

Sister: Only w adultery, thats it. And a remarriage is still adultery, so they say.

Mother: Did Jesus not forgive the woman at the well??

Myself: Noted. Thank you.

Sister: So he only forgive ladies?

Mother: hmmm.....sounds to me like You want an argument of some kind....so I would just suggest reading the Bible a little more....I thought you were currently attending church or am I mistaken??

Sister: I think ppl wanna use scripture to exclude certain groups. And thats not whats it for. Would jesus put this on his fb page?? Uh i think not

Sister: How could u post this and not get a fight?

Mother: That is your opinion and you are entitled...I believe He would post it....and it is not about fighting it is about Biblical truth...

Mother: Yes, I still love you or did you miss that part too??



I decided to limit my presence in this exchange for a number of reasons. First of all, I'm no expert in the bible, Jesus and his teachings, religion in general, or even status quo morality. My sister is much better versed in all of that. There's also the fact that I could watch these two go at each other for days. It's very entertaining and thrilling. I'm entirely proud of my little sister for taking a stand and attempting to debate with my mother. Also, I wasn't really surprised by either the image or the fact that my own mother would decide to post it. It is her right and opinion and blah blah blah. I am very very aware that my mother does not accept or embrace my sexuality. I didn't either for the first thirty years of my life. I can relate completely. So, I wasn't surprised. So, I stayed out of it. I did, however, post my own status update to express my own opinion about the situation.

No one is coming to my wedding. I'm eloping.

This status update was "liked" within seconds by my mother. I think that is the moment when I had my moment of clarity. No matter what, my mother won't be at my wedding. I won't invite her. She wouldn't come if I did. If I even ever decide to get married or even can by that point. It could be entirely legal or entirely illegal by then. Who the fuck knows? Not the point.

The point is... I always knew my mother was a bitch. There was a time when she took absolute pride in that fact - maybe still does? But... That just makes me a son of a bitch. Right? Right. And what this son of a bitch finds impossible to comprehend or excuse is the fact that this woman - my mother, yes, but still just a generally crazy bitch at heart - has a very colorful, spotted, and often times illegal past which I have turned a blind eye to for my entire life or at least had the courtesy to keep my fucking mouth closed about. It's interesting (make that ridiculous and sad) that someone who has been given the benefit of the doubt and an excess of clean slates would turn around, suddenly refinding religion/God/Jesus/the Republican agenda/whatever, and use that as a soapbox to start hurling judgements and condemnations at those who forgave and excused her own transgressions throughout the years. And let me just say, for the record, that the number of her transgressions against me personally have been so numerous and ongoing that it will literally take me days and several posts to cover even most of it with any decency. But, I fully intend to do so.

Strap in, readers. It's about to get turbulent in this mother. Anger monkeys have been deployed.