Penny in a diamond mine.

Don't have to worry about that anymore. My office bromance is over. For those of you who might be unfamiliar with the term "bromance", here's a basic definition.

Bromance
-noun
1. A non-sexual relationship between two men that are unusually close.

-verb -mans-ing
1. The act of wooing a fellow male friend for the purpose of becoming closer.
2. Going to unusual lengths in an attempt to become closer with another male friend.

My new friend with the tattoos was terminated today. That's not entirely accurate. I should explain. Two weeks ago, half of the training class received disciplinary measures for various infractions: excessive tardiness, sleeping/appearing to sleep in class, verbally assaulting a security officer... Yeah. That bitch is crazy. I stay away from her. Damn, now I have to explain that situation. We're not permitted to have drinks containing red dye 40 anywhere in the building. Seriously. Security personnel will confiscate any food or beverage they believe to contain red dye 40. That's what happened to this chick and she flipped her freaking weave. It was amazing and kinda scary. So, anyway, half the class was disciplined for various infractions they incurred during the first three weeks of training. I didn't, obviously, because I'm either incredibly well-behaved or very skilled at not getting caught. Draw your own conclusions. Anyway, my new friend with all the tattoos was disciplined for excessive tardiness. Since he was late nearly half an hour on one occasion and twenty minutes on another, it was a serious write up. He was one repeat incident from termination. Today, that happened. He was two and half hours late to class. When he was five minutes late, the instructor called security and had the magnetic strip in his identification badge deactivated. He wouldn't make it beyond the lobby if/when he showed up at that point. Very quiet day. I actually paid attention for the entire class. I was also really bored and somewhat sad all day. Definitely not the right start for the week.

On a brighter note, my team dominated at Jeopardy. Our reward is an additional five minutes for each of our breaks tomorrow. That totals an additional twenty free minutes of whatever we want to do other than learn. Brilliant incentive. We're all smokers, by the way. Fancy that. We've got our priorities sorted out.

I'll close with a tribute song for the unexpected demise of my office bromance and the premature eviction of my classmate. This track inspired the title of my Thanksgiving post and I've been listening to it all week on Nurse Egg's old ipod. Enjoy.



Oh, and the answer to that brain teaser... If you're like the rest of my class, you might have said that the bowling ball would hit the bottom of the bucket of water at 45 degrees F first, since you realized that water would have frozen solid at 30 degrees F in the second bucket. However, like them, you'd be wrong. If you're like me, you'd have realized that the wording of the question was purposefully misleading. There wasn't any mention of water being in the second bucket. It's just a really, really cold bucket. So, the correct answer would then be that the bowling ball would hit the bottom of the bucket at 30 degrees F first, having been slowed dramatically by the water in the other bucket. The location is a red herring to distract you from the real trick. You know what they say about assuming... I do love some clever misdirection.

On an unrelated note, I'm wondering how the new script is working for you. I love it, but I'm not the one reading it. So, what do you think? Yay for the new script font or nay? Is it too much of a bother? Let me know. I've actually been writing exclusively in cursive since the second day of tech training. I was amazed by how quickly I reverted back into it after abandoning it completely for print halfway through high school.

A pair of hop-along boots and a pistol that shoots.

Nurse Egg won't let me decorate our Christmas tree which she insisted we put up two weeks before Thanksgiving. I can't imagine why she disapproves of my decorations. They're even Politically Correct, so no one should feel left out or offended. Or so I thought.



Decorations or not, we're ready for the season and all the lovely family events that are approaching. Yikes. Anyway...

Merry Fucking Christmahanakwanzukah!

Cheap and Cheerful.

You may have noticed that I've changed some things. The old layout was exactly that - an old, tired layout recycled from a long dead blog from five years ago. The tone was wrong. I still love the caption "Everything fun is wrong", but... again, the graphic is dated and the tone is wrong for me. The new layout is rather brash. I absolutely love this graphic. Wish I could remember where I found it so I could credit it. Oh well, I'm sure everyone involved is famous enough already as it is without me having to pay lip service. Speaking of which, I hope to one day be such a big deal that I am provided with my own cigarette bitch to hold my smokes for me and ash when necessary. This would be a great thing to have on a cold, windy day. I could keep my hands in my pocket to stay warm and I wouldn't be bothered with trying to shield my face long enough to light up. I dream big, I know.

I've been aggravated lately by the people I know and their romantic lives. I shouldn't talk about the specifics or the whos and whats of it, so nevermind all that. Just know I'm aggravated and that's why. I'm further annoyed by the fact that I'm not just hashing it out here. I don't think it would actually help, though. I would if I thought it would be somehow beneficial to me. It's not so whatever. It's none of my business anyway. I should delete this paragraph. Nevermind. Anyway...

Seeing my grandfather during Thanksgiving was depressing. He's in a rapid state of decline. Actually, I don't want to talk about this either. He looked hollow and demented. It was sobering which is saying a lot since I don't really drink anymore and I was quite buzzed off what little vodka I consumed before arriving that night in anticipation of an awkward, hostile holiday event with the family. Fuck. Nevermind. Anyway...

Since I'm still recovering from nearly a year of unemployment with incredibly brief and sparatic periods of orientation/training periods featuring minimal pay, no one should expect anything for Christmas this year from me. Seriously. That's just not happening. Hopefully by the end of this year I'll at least be financially stable again and ahead of the curve on bills again. It's been fun picking and choosing which bills get paid which month, but I'm over that. It can stop and it will. Very excited for that to happen. I might even have my credit cards paid back off shortly. That's the easy bit. Then I just have some loans to clear up - that'll take considerably longer, naturally. Back to the point, I'm not in a position to worry about anyone else but me right now - and that's an overwhelming task as it is sometimes. Seriously. You can laugh. It's funny because it's true. Although, I've become so damn thrift it's ridiculous. The smoking thing is helping tremendously. I believe my last carton lasted just over three weeks. That's shocking. I'm used to smoking at least a pack every day, if not 1.5 packs. So, for a pack of cigarettes to last 2-3 days... It's insanity. It blows my mind, because it's not even a conscious decision. It's not like I woke up one day hacking my lungs out and decided I better chill out for awhile. It's not like I sit around all day jonesing for it, either. It's just weird. I have no idea what happened that altered my habits, but they've definitely changed. I think someone planted hypnotic suggestions in my brain while I was sleeping or something. Either that or Nurse Egg has been crushing up Chantix and mixing it into the food. I don't know. That seems more likely than me just suddenly having this drastic reduction in nicotine usage. I should really just not look a gift horse in the mouth and stop obsessing about it. Yeah, maybe I'll do that. Who cares, anyway? I do, obviously, but I'm going to pretend like I don't from now on.

Speaking of pretending, there's something I've been meaning to address for some time now and haven't yet got around to. I have a feeling that's going to get very in depth and involved so it might warrant its own post. I know it will, in fact, so that's what I'll do. Forget I brought it up here. Nevermind. Anyway...

My asshole friend is engaged after dating for two whole weeks. I said I wasn't going to talk about this, but apparently I lied about that. This will make marriage number three for him. We were out of touch for his first marriage, so I couldn't be expected to attend the ceremony. I was in Alaska at the time, dealing with my own universe of bullshit - probably during the two months when I was basically homeless and living in my car. That's a story for another time, maybe. Probably not. I was around for the second wedding, but didn't attend. I spent the night before getting incredibly drunk and spent the day of the ceremony sleeping it off. That's a real dick move, by the way. It's worse than that, actually, because I didn't regret it or apologize. I won't get into it in very much detail, but it was a shotgun wedding to the woman directly responsible for his first divorce. Can't believe that didn't work out considering how it started. Anyway, whatever. I didn't go to the wedding. So, here we are. He's engaged to a woman he's been dating for two whole weeks now. I really shouldn't be surprised by this, but I am. I think it's incredibly sad. I also think it's a terrible idea - it's a terrible idea for anyone to rush things like this, but even more for someone with an established and unfortunate history of rushing things along like this - that will certainly end in disaster. Again. I don't even try not to say those things to him anymore. It doesn't matter. He's still going to do whatever and make the same ridiculous decisions/mistakes hoping for a different outcome. That's the definition of insanity, reader. I don't think desperation is a valid reason to do anything. I don't know. It's aggravating. I wasn't always aware of how dependent he was/is on other people. I didn't notice how emotionally fragile he was/is. I didn't think he was/is so weak, desperate, lonely, and sad. He seriously can not be alone for any amount of time - an hour, a day, a week. He's never been alone longer than that and you'd have thought that was the end of the world from how he was acting during it. His neediness is entirely overwhelming and I don't handle that well. It's repelling to me. It makes me want to escape it as quickly as possible and then simply avoid it forever. Which is where I'm at right now with him - avoiding him forever. I don't know if he's always been this way and I simply didn't pick up on it or it wasn't as abundantly obvious or if he became this way at some point possibly while we were out of contact. I don't know. It's just not something I can tolerate well or be empathetic about. It's funny because he says that I'm the one who's broken. That my coldness and distance and detachment and independence and self-reliance and wanderlust are all characteristic of my total emptiness. I disagree. These attributes of mine were born out of necessity and survival. They are learned behaviors. I adapted to overcome and now that's part of who I am. I think it's a far worse thing to be so dependent on other people that you simply can not ever be alone. I mean, it seems to me that you'd have to hate yourself to a fairly significant degree to not be comfortable just being alone with yourself. I'm fairly comfortable with myself. There's a lot of things about myself that I hate, but I've come to terms with them and have reconciled these parts of my person. I don't know - maybe we're both right and wrong in our own way. In any case, I'd much rather be me than him. This has become increasingly clear throughout the last few years. I wouldn't have said that when we first met or through the years that directly followed. Of course I've changed a great deal since then as well, so that's as much a reflection of who I've become as it is of who he's become. I can't believe I'm talking about this. It doesn't matter. It's not going to end well for either of us. In a way, it's been over for a long time. I guess I just don't have the heart to make it official - our origins are so magnificent and powerful that it's difficult to not be so blinded by that amazing past that I can't clearly and objectively see the future that our present is leading us to and intervene on my own behalf. See that? I'm human afterall. I'm flawed and biased. He'd be so proud. Although, I'd get over the dissolution of our relationship quickly if not immediately. I don't think he ever would. That's the difference. It shouldn't be the case and it's tragic that it is, but a one way relationship still feels a lot like hosting parasites.

Ok, enough of that. It's depressing. It's bullshit and I'll deal with it eventually. Discussing it may have helped somewhat, so hurray for that.

My natural sarcastic demeanor finally proved useful for something other than a defense or coping mechanism. We play a lot of games in my tech support training class and on Friday we were given a worksheet of riddles to solve. It was meant to keep us busy and quiet while everyone finished up the weekly skills test. We have a lot of smart cookies in the room and most of us got most of the answers figured out. There was only one that no one got correct... except for me, naturally. Being naturally sarcastic, I'm very adept at logic puzzles. I can take things entirely too literally, which is usually a bad or humorous thing, but proves very useful in this instance. Anyway, I thought I'd allow the folks at home a crack at it. I'll reveal the answer in a future post.

"If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a bucket of water which is at 45 degrees F, and dropped another ball of the same weight, mass, and size in a bucket at 30 degrees F, both of them at the same time, which ball would hit the bottom of the bucket first? Same question but the location is now in Canada?"

Good luck.

You're stupid, baby, when you're sane.

This is the first tattoo concept I created for my new friend. After watching me aimlessly doodle and sketch throughout the nine hours of class one day, he asked if I could come up with a concept for this tattoo he wanted to honor his late grandfather. It started out as just a star, then it evolved into a cross with a star somehow incorporated. My first few attempts at that seemed a little too gothic/demonic/dark for a commemorative piece. I worked it out, though, obviously. The trick was not having the star be an actual part of the crucifix. The star has a lot of stigma about it and when you add it to a cross you get something very witchy/satanic looking. Definitely inappropriate for our purposes. I did not expect my new friend to actually take my concept and have it tattooed on his body. I did not expect that all.



My friend's friend, the aspiring amateur tattoo artist who inked the piece, is still learning the art of tattooing. I think at the time it was only his fourth tattoo and only his third on another person. The lines are somewhat crooked and shaky in places. I was still excited, but not entirely satisfied with the result. Fortunately, by the time the outline healed enough to be shaded in, he had gained more experience.



Definitely more satisfied with the final result. I can live with the imperfections that are noticeable. I actually like it. I like it even more because it's something I created and is now forever a part of someone. That's an incredible concept. Since then, I've created three additional concepts which have yet to be inked into flesh. But, I know with absolute certainty that it's only a matter of time. The only concept I was unsuccessful at was a tribal piece he wanted. I can't do it. It's too abstract. My brain can't process it. It seems like an incredibly simple piece to create - and it probably is for most people, but not me. I can't do tribals, which is just as well since I think they're ridiculous anyway.



I'm also amused whenever I meet someone even crazier than me who doesn't make any attempt whatsoever to conceal it. It's absolutely wonderful and I get to help decorate.

The only sour cherry on the fruit stand.

Thanksgiving night Nurse Egg and I had shots of vodka to prepare for the family event. We toasted "To surviving!" and went to dinner with the family. It was around 5pm, which is the perfect time to show up for dinner.

Except, we missed it. They had Thanksgiving lunch and the local aunt and uncle went to his parents's house for second Thanksgiving. So, we completely missed them altogether. The visiting relatives were still there and the grandparents were relaxing and recovering from the whole event in the basement. I saw pictures of the actual event - far better than actually being present for it. Anyway, we ate while everyone watched and chatted it up.

I explained about the trucking fiasco. Sort of. I also explained about the terrible political telemarketing job since then and my new tech support position. My visiting uncle talked about his own work in tech support, which was only surprising since I had no idea what exactly he did for a living. It was interesting to hear about. I even talked about the employee coordinator position I applied for and seriously hope to obtain. I should hear something back on that this week. I wasn't expecting anything sooner because of the holiday. The human resources department has been incredibly busy organizing a food and clothing drive. They were also very busy donating more to each than any other department.

One genuine surprise about dinner was when grandma asked Nurse Egg for her advice and recommendations for some nursing support and living assistance for grandpa. I had a feeling this would eventually happen, but I didn't imagine it would be voluntary. I think Nurse Egg was just as surprised. Of course, she's been suggesting this very thing for years, but that's not how our family works. We don't listen until we want to, especially to each other. Anyway, I'm happy that she's finally getting some professional help.

Thanksgiving this year was entirely uneventful and boring. Amazing.

Artistic expression.

Week two of tech training is over. This week was incredibly boring and I spent the majority of my time doodling rather than actually taking notes. This unexpectedly led to me designing tattoos for my newest friend. He's already gotten one of them inked, too. He's delaying the second one since it's a rib piece and will end up being insanely painful. This is the coolest thing I've done in forever. It might actually be the coolest thing I've ever done. That how it feels anyway. I have two more concepts I'm working on this weekend and another that I'm not even ready to begin. I've also generated a lot of interest in our classroom. I might pick up a few commission pieces. Also, I might have a second job as a freelance design artist in a tattoo shop when they (my newest friend and his tattoo artist friend) get that going. Supposedly, it's good money. We'll see about that. In the meantime, I'm having an insanely great time drawing - it's been quite a few years since I've even bothered - and making some money doing it. Just how much has yet to be seen, but I don't mind waiting until payday. Besides, the fact that my art is now permanently scarred into someone's flesh is more than adequate payment for my trouble.

I'm really excited about this, by the way. I am seriously freaking out over it.

The job posting I applied for closed on Thursday. I hope I hear something next week. I also received another cold call from some recruiter who found my resume online and wants to offer me a job. It's a sales position for an insurance company. I'm going to pass. Even if I don't get the employee coordinator position, I'm still completely satisfied with my new career in tech support. Besides, who knows... six months from now I could be working full-time drawing out art concepts for all the cool kids at a shithole tattoo parlor on the wrong side of town. And I'm sure I'll love that even more.

I'm really, really, really excited about this.

PICNIC error

Nurse Egg is making pork chops right now. I took advantage of an amazing deal at the grocer and scored us about $70 worth of free meat. The power of thrifty shopping at work. Our freezer is full again and, thanks to my somewhat more steady employment, I was able to buy groceries for once. That was a fairly awesome feeling of actually being able to contribute to our household.

On my first day of orientation for the new job, I applied for an internal job listing. The vacancy is for an employee coordinator. Basically, I would interview applicants to determine if they should be considered for a second interview with the proper department manager. I would also send them out for a drug test upon successful completion of that second interview and even determine their training schedules/classes. I like that stuff. I would really like to get this job. This would be a staff position which means not only will I have a salary but I will also be able to utilize direct deposit - something not available to hourly production employees in either technical support or customer care. I do not understand that policy at all, by the way. Anyway, I didn't realize I was eligible to apply for internal listings so quickly. Usually, there is a standard probationary period of at least 30 days and potentially even a year before new hires are permitted to apply for or be considered for these internal job postings. I was surprised on the first day of orientation when the classroom instructor encouraged us all to review these postings and apply for any we were qualified for. I didn't need any more encouragement, especially when I saw this particular posting for employee coordinator. The posting closes on the 10th of this month, so I should hear something sometime after that. In the meantime, I'm enjoying my classroom time and learning all about my new job function as a Tier II Technical Support Technician. To give you a general idea of what that means, I consulted wikipedia on your behalf. Observe:

Tier/Level 2(T2/L2)
This is a more in-depth technical support level than Tier I containing experienced and more knowledgeable personnel on a particular product or service. It is synonymous with level 2 support, support line 2, administrative level support, and various other headings denoting advanced technical troubleshooting and analysis methods. Technicians in this realm of knowledge are responsible for assisting Tier I personnel solve basic technical problems and for investigating elevated issues by confirming the validity of the problem and seeking for known solutions related to these more complex issues.[8] However, prior to the troubleshooting process, it is important that the technician review the work order to see what has already been accomplished by the Tier I technician and how long the technician has been working with the particular customer. This is a key element in meeting both the customer and business needs as it allows the technician to prioritize the troubleshooting process and properly manage his or her time.[6] If a problem is new and/or personnel from this group cannot determine a solution, they are responsible for raising this issue to the Tier III technical support group. In addition, many companies may specify that certain troubleshooting solutions be performed by this group to help ensure the intricacies of a challenging issue are solved by providing experienced and knowledgeable technicians. This may include, but is not limited to onsite installations or replacements of various hardware components, software repair, diagnostic testing, and the utilization of remote control tools used to take over the user’s machine for the sole purpose of troubleshooting and finding a solution to the problem.[6][9]

I can not talk about what company or products I will be personally troubleshooting in this role, but I can say that it is a major global client. There are no Tier I technicians on site. They do, however, call in to us from various locations and vendors in order to better assist a customer who has a problem beyond their limited technical ability to resolve. There are a handful of Tier III technicians on site to assist us when we've exhausted our technical ability as well. God help you if you need technical assistance beyond that. You have to speak to the manufacturer/designer at that point. You should probably just give it up. You simply aren't meant to use this technology.

It's been fun learning about the technology. We've reviewed the first of the many systems I'll be using (possibly simultaneously for each call) and a line of products and features we will be responsible for implementing and servicing. I'm a little excited. Also, my inner geek is coming out. Halfway through Wednesday, I decided to start using cursive again on my class notes. I'm a little surprised how much neater my script is than my print. I haven't used it in a decade and it's still naturally preserved inside my brain and just as beautiful as it ever was. I had a lot of fun with that. I believe I did mention my inner geek is resurfacing. This is obvious. I have already learned some delightful tech slang for dealing with the most common technical error we will have to deal with: humanity. Again, I have consulted wikipedia on your behalf. Observe:

A user error is an error made by the human user of a complex system, usually a computer system, in interacting with it. Although the term is sometimes used by Human Computer Interaction practitioners, the more formal human error term is used in the context of human reliability.
User Error and related phrases such as PEBKAC ("Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair"), PICNIC ("Problem In Chair Not In Computer"), PIBCAK ("Problem Is Between Chair And Keyboard") or ID-10T error ("Idiot error") are also used as slang in technical circles with a derogatory meaning.[1][2] This usage implies a lack of computer savvy, asserting that problems arisen when using a device are the fault of the user. Critics of the term argue that the problems are caused instead by a device designed in such a way that it induces errors.
The term can also be used for non-computer-related mistakes.[1]

As I said, this has been a delightful experience so far. My inner geek has been doing the robot dance for four days now and I love it.

Mirth in red.

I'll post tomorrow. :) Probably.