The cage is spinning. My date is shrieking. His commemorative Trumbull County Fair cup is flying around us spraying Mountain Dew everywhere. I reach out and grab the little bastard from it's mid-flight orbit. I'm laughing hysterically and having actual fun for the first time since we arrived at the fair. I've never in my entire life felt like more of a man. I've never in my entire life been less attracted to one. The date is over for me. It hadn't been going well anyway, but this was the moment I knew it was a total wasted effort.
When we're on solid ground again, I wait for my date to regain his composure. Then, it's confrontation time.
"So... You said... What was it exactly? Oh, something about being an avid roller coaster enthusiast? Right? Yeah. Avid... Oh, here's your cup, by the way. I saved it from a slow spinning death. Not much Mountain Dew left in there. We are wearing most of it."
"I'm so sorry."
"I don't really care about the Mountain Dew. I'm more concerned with the whole concept of you describing yourself as an adrenaline junkie with a particular hunger for thrill rides... You were screaming up there, almost the entire time. It was... shrill to the point of deafening. And continuous. And horrifying. I'm curious if you knew that was going to happen and were just hoping it wouldn't? Or, maybe you thought you'd luck out and I wouldn't want to ride anything while we're on our lovely fair date. You asked me here - specifically because of the rides, that you so adamantly wanted to ride the shit out of so desperately. So... I'm confused by the logic of any of this. Are you not the guy I've been talking to online? Because that's who I want to be here with. If you have his number, I'd like to talk to that guy again. Because if you are that guy, I'm seriously doubting anything you ever said to be true at this point. I also think you should probably, no definitely, delete the whole straight acting portion of your online profile. I doubt anyone in a twenty mile radius is buying that shit after this."
"You want me to take you home?"
"Absolutely. Yes, please."
This guy was extremely charming in text format. He was interesting and cool and intelligent and funny and masculine and sexy - in text format. In reality, none of those things were true in person. Also, the lazy eye was far more disturbing in person than in photo. I was really happy he wore sunglasses, because that whole skewed lines of vision concept freaks me right out. I did lie about my comfort level regarding that, but I was willing to give it a chance. I was willing to give this seemingly amazing guy with a slight genetic defect a chance - until his mom called, three times. Then there was the whole Philly cheese-steak debate.
"Please, for the love of God, stop talking."
"It's just that I actually lived in Philly-"
"-for five years, I know. So, this isn't a genuine Philly cheese blah blah blah. I don't care. I'm hungry. I want some steak-ums and melted cheese with grilled peppers and onions. I don't care that it should be cheese whiz or whatever, because that's a genuine Philly. Right? Yep. Still don't care. I want my bullshit Philly and I don't care. The genuine deal sounds absolutely terrible and I wouldn't eat that shit. Not even in Philly."
"It shouldn't even be called a Philly-"
"Wow. Please, stop. We're in Ohio. I don't even care about the origins of a fucking sandwich. I don't even want this now. You have ruined this for me. Just like the deep fried oreos."
Which were freaking nasty, but he insisted I try them. They were gooey deep fried balls of sugary shit. I hated them. That I was willing to let go. Obviously, not for everyone and definitely not for me. But, the whole history and correct assembly of the Philly cheese-steak, which had gone on the entire time the guy was making it and halfway through me eating it until I gave up and threw the thing away to rid myself of it and the associated conversation, was not something I was going to let go. I wanted to punch him in his face - repeatedly, possibly with a brick or hammer or something similarly traumatic.
That's when we started on the rides. We rode only the one - the spinning cages. Then, I officially declared the date as DOA. I had been attempting to revive it since it started and there simply wasn't a point. I hated this guy so completely and intensely that I could not get away from him fast enough. I had downloaded the fair's own app previous to the date and used the Find Your Car feature when we first arrived and parked, because I'm crafty like that and on top of shit. So, I knew exactly where the damn car was. But, my date was just as sure he knew better than me where his own car was. It was the Philly cheese-steak debate all over again. Since I was fed up and feeling especially sadistic, I let the asshole hunt for his own car for over two hours in the dark. His key chain fob didn't work, either. So, no hints or help from the car itself. Eventually he did finally give up and ask me where I thought the car was. We found it immediately. We drove in absolute silence. I enjoyed this part of my date about as much as any other, except for the conclusion of it and the part where I never had to talk to, see, or spend any amount of time with this guy ever again.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
New year, same story.
I'm hibernating for the rest of winter. It's too damn cold to be trekking over to Akron to be a social phenomenon on the gay bar circuit. I've been to Adams Street, Square, Cocktails, Daddys... I know the bartenders and the regulars. It's been a weekly thing for months now. I've even been to 442 and the Funky Skunk locally. I hate going to the local bars. I seriously hate going to the local bars. Although, I love that I can still smoke inside 442. That's about it. Also, the drinks are fairly cheap there. But, I'm hibernating for the rest of winter. It's too damn cold to go anywhere and do anything right now.
It's even too cold for work, but I go. I'm currently in orientation at the call center, the same call center where I previously perpetuated anti-Obama propaganda and peddled NRA memberships like a right-wing lunatic. This time I'm in the media department. No cold calling and harassing people. The callers are already interested in the services we provide and I just need to attempt to upsell them to the most expensive package before giving them whatever they're actually interested in. The programs I've practiced with so far seem incredibly easy to navigate compared to the legion of programs I was expected to master for the tech support thing. Oh, I forgot to mention... No more cheese factory. I'm very depressed about that. Everything seemed to be going so well - until it wasn't and I was laid off. Oh well. I'm also filling out every possible application I can get my hands on and forwarding my resume to any HR department I can. I have two scheduled interviews: both for management of some kind. Shocking, I know. But, that's the kind of paycheck I would like to have again and the lifestyle to accompany it. So, I have an interview for restaurant management next weekend and an interview for retail management the weekend after. The retail management would be a better fit for my experience and skill set, would offer a better salary, but might require me to relocate at some point. It's in Pennsylvania and most of the locations are at least an hour away, if not nearly two. The restaurant management position is local and would not require relocation (at least not any time soon), but I do not know the salary for that and I have limited food service experience. Anyway, those are currently my two best prospects for meaningful employment. I continue to fill out apps daily. At this point, I'm not even entirely sure where I have and have not applied anymore, the latter is a much, much shorter list though. I won't stop until I have a better job. I've even been looking in the Akron area for employment. It would be a drive, if not for the fact that...
Clay asked me to move in with him. I don't think I reacted at all. I probably smirked though. I've been seeing him and Woody, which isn't a secret to either of them. It's been casual. I like them both for different reasons. I should address that triangle configuration in a separate post. I didn't expect Clay to extend that offer. I hadn't seriously considered it at the time, but if I found meaningful employment in that area I might have to reconsider.
In the meantime, it's just me and the pup this weekend since my sister went to Virginia for the week. Even if I wanted to go out, I really can't afford to do so at the moment. Besides, I have more applications to fill out. Finding a better job is my new job. My goal is to have something before my current orientation is complete. I have seven more weeks to make that happen. No time to lose.
It's even too cold for work, but I go. I'm currently in orientation at the call center, the same call center where I previously perpetuated anti-Obama propaganda and peddled NRA memberships like a right-wing lunatic. This time I'm in the media department. No cold calling and harassing people. The callers are already interested in the services we provide and I just need to attempt to upsell them to the most expensive package before giving them whatever they're actually interested in. The programs I've practiced with so far seem incredibly easy to navigate compared to the legion of programs I was expected to master for the tech support thing. Oh, I forgot to mention... No more cheese factory. I'm very depressed about that. Everything seemed to be going so well - until it wasn't and I was laid off. Oh well. I'm also filling out every possible application I can get my hands on and forwarding my resume to any HR department I can. I have two scheduled interviews: both for management of some kind. Shocking, I know. But, that's the kind of paycheck I would like to have again and the lifestyle to accompany it. So, I have an interview for restaurant management next weekend and an interview for retail management the weekend after. The retail management would be a better fit for my experience and skill set, would offer a better salary, but might require me to relocate at some point. It's in Pennsylvania and most of the locations are at least an hour away, if not nearly two. The restaurant management position is local and would not require relocation (at least not any time soon), but I do not know the salary for that and I have limited food service experience. Anyway, those are currently my two best prospects for meaningful employment. I continue to fill out apps daily. At this point, I'm not even entirely sure where I have and have not applied anymore, the latter is a much, much shorter list though. I won't stop until I have a better job. I've even been looking in the Akron area for employment. It would be a drive, if not for the fact that...
Clay asked me to move in with him. I don't think I reacted at all. I probably smirked though. I've been seeing him and Woody, which isn't a secret to either of them. It's been casual. I like them both for different reasons. I should address that triangle configuration in a separate post. I didn't expect Clay to extend that offer. I hadn't seriously considered it at the time, but if I found meaningful employment in that area I might have to reconsider.
In the meantime, it's just me and the pup this weekend since my sister went to Virginia for the week. Even if I wanted to go out, I really can't afford to do so at the moment. Besides, I have more applications to fill out. Finding a better job is my new job. My goal is to have something before my current orientation is complete. I have seven more weeks to make that happen. No time to lose.
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