Continued Survival Anniversary 2010

I wake up. The first thought I manage is actually a combination of three (Why is it so damn bright? Where the hell am I? Why do I need to be awake right now?) which just amplifies how disoriented and exhausted I am. I want to go back to sleep. I wish I hadn't woken up. I also realize that I'm not at all where I thought I was. I thought I was in the safety of my apartment lounging comfortably upon my futon. Instead, I'm strapped into a chair and every bone of my body is screaming in agony, as is the alarm on my phone. It's in my shirt pocket. I turn it off by punching and slapping myself in the chest. Then I slap myself in the face.

Fuck. What the hell? WHY?

I look around. I'm in my jeep which is in a parking lot I don't recognize. I have this vague sense that I'm late for something. I examine myself. I'm wearing my uniform. Work. I'm going to be late for work. I start the engine and turn on GPS. Thankfully, I don't need to gather my bearings. GPS knows where I am and how to get me where I need to be. I drive.

"Hey, motha effer. You got a text."

Yes, I do. I have thirteen, actually. They all say some variation of the same thing.

"Happy Birthday!"

It's from my cousin via Facebook. They all are. Well, they're not all from him, but they're all... whatever. You get it. It's a celebration. There's a party happening in my pocket. Wow. That sounds dirty.

Oh yeah. It's my birthday. That's probably important. It doesn't really explain anything, but it's relevant. Sort of. I finally remember why I was parked in that lot and sleeping in my jeep a mere 3 miles from my apartment rather than simply going to my apartment and sleeping there. Gridlock. I was on my way home from work and thanks to some road construction, traffic was backed up for miles and it wasn't moving in either direction. I sat there for fifteen paralyzed minutes and tried not to pass out. I was barely successful.

Oh, I didn't sleep very well Sunday night. I kept having the same nightmare about how horrible Monday was going to be. Recurring, persistent, prophetic nightmares kept me awake all night. So... here we are. It's Monday afternoon and I'm living the dream.

Anyway, I've been tired all day long. Also, I had to work this morning, but I kept telling myself it wasn't a big deal since I could just come home in the afternoon and fall into a coma for the next day or so. Well, that didn't happen. What did happen was I ended up picking up an additional shift and I only had 4 hours where I could get some sleep in the meantime - only I never made it home on account of the gridlock. I just pulled into that parking lot, turned off my vehicle, and I was gone.

Next thing I knew, I'm waking up to my incredibly shitty day already in progress.

Did I mention that I'm batshit crazy from sleep deprivation and this intense and sickening feeling of total deja vu from those damn dreams of mine.

She wasn't in them. That was a surprise. I thought I had gone completely delirious when I saw her. What a strange day. I don't even have time to think about anything. Just insanity and haste and me being completely ridiculous. All damn day.

I have no idea what anyone is saying when I do get to work and get there late.

"What did you just say about quarters?"
"No, I'm talking about the order. Did you print the order?"
"Borders? What?"
"Nevermind."
"Ok. You're doing a great job... whatever you're doing... just, great job."

Yeah, I don't even believe me. I'm on auto-pilot. Everything is just automatic and pre-recorded. Time suddenly speeds up on me and the hours dissolve. I'm surprised by how easy it is to completely lose track of things so basic and important.

Someone asks the date. "May 24th. It's May 24th." I don't know who asked or why, but I know the answer. I notice there's a band-aid around the middle finger on my right hand. "How'd this happen?" No one knows. I think I'm legitimately going crazy this time.

Everyone is singing to me and it's just so weird. This entire day has been completely surreal for me. Strangely enough, I enjoyed it. Obviously, it wasn't ideal but it was definitely my day to shine. It couldn't have been any less ordinary.