I think we're all guilty of that sometimes. I have definitely been guilty of that lately. I spent a week living on the couch of my asshole friend. He was moving and I agreed to help since I'm practically an expert on that sort of thing. He definitely should have consulted me sooner so I could have advised him on transferring utilities in advance of moving in rather than having no heat or water for the first two days. He did have electricity, though, so we weren't stumbling blindly in the dark. But, he definitely could have handled the rest of his utilities a little better. I would have. Anyway, it was an excellent distraction from my own dire financial and employment situation. It was great being able to channel all of my anxiety and uncertainty into unpacking his life and creating a home for him in the new place. It's definitely awkward trying to squeeze 1700 sq. ft. of bullshit into 700 sq. ft. of space. But we managed it. I managed it, to be honest. He'd still probably be unpacking the first room if not for my determination and stamina.
I'm glad to be home. His life completely overwhelms me - from the joint custody of his two kids, the ex-wife, the new fiance and her three children. It's far too much drama to be contained in a single episode or a house that small. Definitely good to be home and have some space of my own and quiet. I wasn't home a day before he was texting me to find out when I'd be coming back. He wants me to move in with him. Again. We've been here before. He's incredibly needy and desperate - two instant turn-offs for me. He just can not be alone. Not for a second, much less a day. I can't deal with that level of suffocating neediness. Also, I can't be in an environment that centered around drama. It's way too much for me. Also, I just spent an entire week of my life there with him and that wasn't enough. It's never enough. For me, it has to be. I have my own life, my own home, my own world of bullshit. He seems unconcerned that I don't have a working vehicle or a job. I think he'd honestly be very content to have me remain there and entirely dependent upon him for everything. I can't live like that. No one should, but I definitely can't. We got into an argument about all of it and haven't been talking for about a day, which prompted a status update on my part.
"Have a great life. I'll do the same."
Harsh, I know, but that's how I have to be to even be heard. I have to out drama the drama queen or else it's all just background noise to his latest, repeat tragedy. Unexpectedly, this attempt led to a delightful conversation with a friend of mine from high school. We were thespians together. I actually played his father four or five times, so we're stage family. Our exchange amused me greatly, so I'll repost it here.
Have a great life. I'll do the same.
Tommy: ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME?!!!.
J: Of course not. Well, not this time anyway. It's my own fault for suggesting we should see other people.
Tommy: Whew, give a guy a heart attack. That was NOT how I wanted to start the new year. More communication, that's what we need. And less violent abuse on your end. That'd be nice.
J: Tommy... I can't promise any of that. But, if it makes you feel any better, you're right about everything.
Tommy: Haha are you agreeing with me because I'm angry? Or because your being honest? If you want out of this just tell me now!. lol you never take me out anymore anyway. IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU!.
J: I'm agreeing with you for all of those reasons and I feel bad for being emotionally/physically unavailable for our entire relationship. I admit that I am fairly self-absorbed and totally insensitive to your needs. We should probably end things, but... damn it... I just can't quit you.
Tommy: Hahahaha
"Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive"
J: Everything is better with a supporting sound track.
Tommy: I'm so happy we are starting to agree on things again..haha lol
J: Me, too. Does this mean it's time for make-up sex?
Tommy: Whoa whoa you think all it takes is some Gloria Gaynor? Think again mister. Better drop some Neil Diamond to smooth out this bumpy road..
Tommy: That smooth and bumpy road part doesn't sound good at all..ha
J: "If there were no dreams
and there were no dreamers,
then how could I dream you up?
You're still a mystery to me.
The way that we love,
the life that we're leading,
I don't want to give you up.
Whatever I have to do, I'll do.
Put a mountain there, and I'll tear it down.
If it's much too high, then I'll go around.
I won't stop for anyone or anything.
And I'd love you even if
there were no dreams.
If there were no dreams,
how could we be lovers?
And how could I need you so?
The reason's clear to even me.
I'll know that it's right.
You don't need to wonder.
If you're up against that wall,
I'm gonna be up against it, too.
If a mountain's there,
we can tear it down.
If it's much too high,
then we'll go around.
We won't stop for anyone or anything.
We'd be lovers even if
there were no dreams.
Yes, we would:
lovers even if there were no dreams."
J: Boom.
Tommy: Hahaha that's what I'm taking about..now come here you..
Tommy: Let em say were crazy, I dont care about that
Put your hand in my hand baby
Dont ever look back
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if were heart to heart
And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothings gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
Well still have each other
Nothings gonna stop us, nothings gonna stop us now.
AND SCENE...lol
Much as I hate to admit it, this social networking improv of ours is the most fulfilling relationship I've had in several years. It honestly made me feel better and chuckle. We definitely still have some of that theatre chemistry left over from high school. Anyway, we conversed in private about our impromptu love affair and how our mothers were going to react - which was much easier for him because she was awake and online and freaking out over it already. To be honest, I'd probably go for it, so she definitely has cause to be worried.
Anyway, it was a lot of fun and definitely served the purpose better than a lone status update. Yes, I'm a manipulative, cunning little fucker. I would be less proud of that if it weren't deserved. The evidence of how effective those tactics are is in the number of text messages I've received since.
Several.
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