Desperate Guys

January is National Drag History Month according to various online sources. I had no idea. Let me clarify: I had no idea there was such a thing, let alone it was this very month. This isn't the subject of my post, but I thought it was interesting and somewhat coincidental in context of what I am actually about to talk about.

Yesterday I had a job interview which was the result of a few traded emails between myself and the district manager of a local restaurant chain for the position of assistant general manager (rather than assistant to the general manager, ha.). Anyway, in preparation for this interview I decided to shave off my beard. A decision I immediately regretted and still do. My face feels completely naked. It's incredibly cold, too, being January and I can feel every lost degree on my bare face. It's horrible. Back to my original point: I'm very serious about snagging this job so I'm doing everything possible to ensure I get it - even shaving. After I shaved, I decided I also needed a haircut before the interview. It was impossible to get an appointment anywhere on zero notice and within the time constraints I was working with, so I drove around town until I found a shithole-in-the-wall salon that was practically empty except for a lone stylist and two blue-hairs having their hair color treated. The stylist could get me done and out within half an hour which was perfect for my time frame, so I took a seat and waited. It was a delightful show watching the two lifelong friends having their hair done and trading gossip with the stylist.



When it was my turn, she did the whole hair washing while chatting me up bit. She asked me what I wanted done and I told her something more professional and less like a homeless burn-out. I told her I had a job interview. I even told her where and for what. We chatted about how competitive the job market has become and how limited opportunities were within it. Then she asked me when I graduated. Naturally, I assumed she meant college and I lied "last year". I was even deciding in my head what my major was, but then she asked if I was thinking about going to college. It was shocking to realize this woman thought I had graduated high school last year.

Suddenly getting carded for cigarettes right before all this doesn't seem so random. First time in ten years... I should have known something was off.

I stumbled on my words after that. "Sure, I'm thinking about going to college. This employer has an excellent tuition reimbursement program." She asked which program I might pursue. I can't even tell you which one I might have said. I was still trying to wrap my mind around the whole facial age reversal thing. Which is probably why I agreed when she suggested my eyebrows needed a quick trim as well. I think she snuck that question in there between "Would you like your neckline boxed off?" and "Would you like to keep the sideburns?" so that I wouldn't notice. Not that I was actually paying attention. I just kept agreeing to everything. I've never had my eyebrows shaped or trimmed or whatever. When it happened, my entire body tensed up. It might have been something to do with the electric trimmers being so close to my eye. Also, it felt weird.



After the entire process, I quickly paid and took off. I had to race back across town to get dressed for success before racing off to the interview. I kept hoping I wouldn't show up to it looking like a teenage drag queen. Unless, of course, that's what this guy was looking for in a potential applicant. Whatever works. I don't care. I'm not sure anything did, though. The district manager had zero facial expressions which made it virtually impossible to read him. He had the ultimate poker face and no observable personality. It was like being interrogated by a robot. Not fabulous. Not encouraging. Not really anything. In any case, I'll know one way or the other in a couple of weeks. He intends to interview 16 other candidates in that time. He didn't leave me completely in the dark. He offered one pro and one con about me as a potential applicant. Pro: No one else he has tried to contact has even responded yet, let alone scheduled and completed an interview. I told him that no one wants the job more than me. No one else is as hungry or determined as I am for it. Con: I don't have actual restaurant management experience. I have experience in management, food service, and management in food service - but that doesn't translate into restaurant management experience for him. He didn't consider any of my former employers to be restaurants. Which is fine, because neither do I. However, I don't consider any of his establishments to be restaurants either. Not really, if we're being honest. I didn't tell him that, though. Anyway, I guess we'll see. I don't feel any more or less hopeful than I did before the interview. I just feel completely ridiculous and desperate.



Well, my darlings, there's only one thing you should take away from this (other than the fact that January is National Drag History Month): I'll be 30 in May and apparently only look half my age with a clean-shaven face. Try not to choke too hard on your envy while I draw some eyebrows back on my childlike face. Love you. Kisses. xoxo