May the bridges I burn light the way home.

Obnoxious. Condescending. Trying too hard to be funny and failing. Abrasive. Of course, he's family. He's my uncle. The exile, to be specific. The prodigal son returned.

At least we have that much in common. Well, not really.

I don't usually make it a point to circle back on burnt bridges. There's a reason I set them aflame in the first place, just as there's a reason no one stopped me.

I'm really not trying to be an asshole. I don't think he is either. It doesn't really matter. Our intentions don't dictate the interpretation of our actions.



My uncle from Georgia is here for the week and the subject of this post. My aunt from Arkansas is also here for the week. We're only missing mom. Who's surprised? That's rhetorical and this is redundant. It wouldn't be a family event if someone wasn't genuinely annoying and agitating the holy shit out of everyone. Amazingly, the locals have vacated this position and remained scarce to the point of total absence for the duration of the visitors' stay. The reason for everyone being here during a non-holiday and completely out of season for a summer visit is to support my grandmother during her transitional phase now that my grandfather has been placed in a home. This was the result of some unknown event between my grandmother and my local aunt which caused a serious rift between them and ultimately resulted in my grandmother no longer having their assistance with the care of my grandfather. My local aunt had migrated her entire family between her own home and the home of my grandparents in order to assist with my aging grandfather and his care. She was gradually moving into my grandparents' home with plans to sell off her own. But, some tragic life-altering event caused an end to the cooperative symbiosis between my local aunt's family and my grandmother. This anomaly even caused my local aunt to abandon all plans to inhabit my grandparent's house full-time and proceed immediately to vacate her family and all accumulated possessions from the property. What could this unknown event possibly have been? I haven't a clue, but it must have been something catastrophic to prompt such life-altering deviations from the grand plan of my local aunt and her family. Anyway, since that event and the parting of ways, they haven't made an appearance except at the nursing home for a brief initial visit to see my grandfather situated and placed. Since their absence has left no one to instigate and provoke the rest of the family during their visits, my once-exiled uncle decided to stand-in and fulfill the duties of that traditional role. He's doing a decent enough job of it, too.



This is an incredibly awkward situation for the entire family. It's not at all surprising that we're rubbing each other the wrong way trying to all find a place to squeeze into this picture and just move with it as it develops and/or deteriorates. I think my uncle is attempting to lighten the mood by trying to maintain this atmosphere of levity. Unfortunately, like me, he's only familiar with dry, sarcastic, often pessimistic humor. Obviously, I have a natural affinity for it. My humor - forged from the fires of my intrinsic bitterness and rage - is flawlessly executed. It's my default, natural defense mechanism, afterall. I've had decades of practice and have developed a level of skill when it comes to quips and banter that can not be rivaled by any mere man. Watching my uncle in action is like going to an amateur night of stand-up. Both should require at least a two drink minimum before indulging. I believe a lot of his failure is conditional of his attitude and motives. He's just a downer. I'm a realist, but I at least attempt to defuse and rectify the situation by dissecting it and throwing it back in everyone's face. Yes, things may truly suck and they often do. But, there's always hope. At least, there ought to be some. I'm not sure what anyone could hope in this exact situation we find ourselves in other than trying to do some major damage control and maintain some semblance of the status quo. The last thing I would want - in this situation or any other similar to it - is to make matters even worse by alienating everyone around me, like my uncle seems increasingly determined to do. Besides, there are much more satisfying ways to alienate people. I'm fairly skilled in that department as well.

Cocktails, anyone?



Before I completely gloss over it and forget, I should mention that my asshole friend's grandfather passed away last weekend. It's a strange coincidence that both of our grandfathers were in the same hospital at the exact same time. It's possible they were even on the same floor or even room. I doubt it, but it's possible. The funeral was Wednesday, which is the same day my grandfather was transferred from the hospital to the nursing home. There's another strange coincidence for you.