I'm finding it harder to be a gentleman every day.

...and now for an actual update.

Work is going well. I have not been bored. I have made a difference, in my own way, at each location I visited. Made my mark, so to speak. Or erased the marks of others, when appropriate. It's been really good for me.

If I hadn't left Ohio, I'd still be there. Ten years later and still hating it. That's assuming I wouldn't have had a total mental breakdown at some point brought on by the combined effects of my proximity to key members of my family, zero opportunity for career advancement, a schedule with a disturbingly unbalanced ratio of work to sleep, and continued financial woe. Perhaps I should give you a more concrete example of how life in WV compares to life in OH.

People I worked with for three weeks in WV were more disappointed to see me go than people I worked with for three years in OH. If my sudden departure had the impact on the employees in OH that it did on the employees in WV, it might not have been so easy to leave. I still would have left, obviously, but I would have thought twice about it. Seriously reconsidered it, too. Weighed the pros against the cons. All of it.


I am increasingly surprised by the number of people who leave their vehicles running with unlocked doors and completely rolled down windows while they run into the market or gas station or post office or where ever. If I ever found myself unemployed and homeless in WV, I would have no trouble at all with pursuing a better life through grand theft auto. It's amazing. I don't even leave my Jeep unlocked while I'm in it. It's absurd. How can this be? I have no idea and I refuse to ask.

I still haven't decided whether I'm going home tomorrow or not. I would like to get it over with if I could. That sounded horrible and appropriate. I don't know. I can honestly say - with exception of Nurse Egg - that I hadn't thought about those people for weeks. Except when Nurse Egg would say something that would remind me of the time... blah blah blah. Fill in the blank. It would be easier going back into that mess if I could pour candle wax into my ears and not have to deal with- I can't even say. I can guess. I can guess with disturbing-almost-psychic accuracy, but I still won't say. But, I'm not sure I could handle my thoughts being overwhelmed by the aroma of sugar cookies for two days and I don't own unscented candles. What would be the point of that? Aesthetics without functionality? Insanity.

Speaking of which, I purchased drapes for Apartment H about a week ago. I put one set of them up in the living room where I inevitably pass out while trying desperately to catch up on all my recorded programming. It's impossible. I'm not motivated enough to make that happen. Back to my point, they are amazing at blocking out the light and I can't help but sleep during the day. Even when I work in the mornings, I come home and pass out immediately. I usually end up waking up on my own sometime after midnight. Today is the exception. Today I've been blessed with insomnia. Probably brought on by stress. What stress? Refer to previous post for that answer. Which is fine because I'll end up doing more around my apartment in an effort to wear myself down and trick my brain into shutting down by way of total exhaustion. Good times.

I have less than two weeks until my grand opening. Very exciting. I am going to be busier than... I'll refrain from using a metaphor I overheard today. It's delightful, I assure you. To counteract that, I have the next three days off. It's funny. I'm just as busy on my days away from work as I am while at work. I can't do everything I want to do in that small time frame. If I ever do manage to get some sleep, I will make my decision when I wake up. That decision will be based solely on what time it happens to be. If it's past noon, I'm not going home. If it isn't past noon, I might go home if I feel strong enough to deal it. It? Them. Ok then. Even if I do go home, I'm going to set my agenda in advance. I'm going to craft a time line and print three copies of it. I'm going to follow it precisely. I will take a sleeping bag and sleep in my empty house. I don't need to stay in Kingsgrave House any longer than necessary to weave an amusing post for Robin. I will visit my former co-workers but I will only stay an hour and I will only stop in on my way out of town. That way I have very aggressive motivators to get me out of there. Going home. Leaving town. Making decent travel time.

It sounds like I'm making the trip home, doesn't it? I probably am. God help me.

Gut en Haben. Indeed.

I can almost see the future and it is wonderful. It will be wonderful, someday. When I get all my debts resolved and I've managed to get my life in order - on the day that I finally grow up, basically - I'm going to jump out of a plane in Orange, Virginia. Ever since hearing about Bridge Day, I've been researching what it would take to get me on the bridge and base jumping like a madman. Well, it will take about $4k. That's a conservative estimate. That will provide all the lessons, equipment, and plane rides to get me all the skydiving pre-requisites to obtain my professional license and allow me to participate in Bridge Day 2011. Registration is in October, so this year is a wash and next year won't allow enough time to complete all 50 or so jumps realistically - not to mention my continued financial situation which would make blowing nearly a year of rent on skydiving unreasonable. Regardless, it hardly matters. I'm not doing that. Well, I'm probably not doing that. But, when I do get everything settled and there are more zeroes than negatives in my ledger, I will be jumping out of a plane. Once. That's my pact with myself. I will reward my own success with an intense, death-defying challenge on gravity itself. I think that's poetic. Sort of. Not to mention it will give me enough of a taste that I'll know one way or the other whether it's for me or not. Then, I can go completely insane and invest a year of rent into repeatedly recreating the plight of Icarus. Now that is poetic.

Other than that, I'm taking it a day at a time and living life. It is what it is. It is what I've allowed it to be and what I've worked so hard to make it.

I'm satisfied. I shouldn't have to explain how impossible that simple statement has been for me to truthfully admit, but I finally have and I'm not going to stop savoring it until the taste burns a hole in my tongue and the last crumbs turn to ashy stone in my starved innards.

That was colorful. Enjoy!