Monday, November 28, 2011

Penny in a diamond mine.

someecards.com - Your office bromance is making the rest of the office uncomfortable.

Don't have to worry about that anymore. My office bromance is over. For those of you who might be unfamiliar with the term "bromance", here's a basic definition.

Bromance
-noun
1. A non-sexual relationship between two men that are unusually close.

-verb -mans-ing
1. The act of wooing a fellow male friend for the purpose of becoming closer.
2. Going to unusual lengths in an attempt to become closer with another male friend.

My new friend with the tattoos was terminated today. That's not entirely accurate. I should explain. Two weeks ago, half of the training class received disciplinary measures for various infractions: excessive tardiness, sleeping/appearing to sleep in class, verbally assaulting a security officer... Yeah. That bitch is crazy. I stay away from her. Damn, now I have to explain that situation. We're not permitted to have drinks containing red dye 40 anywhere in the building. Seriously. Security personnel will confiscate any food or beverage they believe to contain red dye 40. That's what happened to this chick and she flipped her freaking weave. It was amazing and kinda scary. So, anyway, half the class was disciplined for various infractions they incurred during the first three weeks of training. I didn't, obviously, because I'm either incredibly well-behaved or very skilled at not getting caught. Draw your own conclusions. Anyway, my new friend with all the tattoos was disciplined for excessive tardiness. Since he was late nearly half an hour on one occasion and twenty minutes on another, it was a serious write up. He was one repeat incident from termination. Today, that happened. He was two and half hours late to class. When he was five minutes late, the instructor called security and had the magnetic strip in his identification badge deactivated. He wouldn't make it beyond the lobby if/when he showed up at that point. Very quiet day. I actually paid attention for the entire class. I was also really bored and somewhat sad all day. Definitely not the right start for the week.

On a brighter note, my team dominated at Jeopardy. Our reward is an additional five minutes for each of our breaks tomorrow. That totals an additional twenty free minutes of whatever we want to do other than learn. Brilliant incentive. We're all smokers, by the way. Fancy that. We've got our priorities sorted out.

I'll close with a tribute song for the unexpected demise of my office bromance and the premature eviction of my classmate. This track inspired the title of my Thanksgiving post and I've been listening to it all week on Nurse Egg's old ipod. Enjoy.



Oh, and the answer to that brain teaser... If you're like the rest of my class, you might have said that the bowling ball would hit the bottom of the bucket of water at 45 degrees F first, since you realized that water would have frozen solid at 30 degrees F in the second bucket. However, like them, you'd be wrong. If you're like me, you'd have realized that the wording of the question was purposefully misleading. There wasn't any mention of water being in the second bucket. It's just a really, really cold bucket. So, the correct answer would then be that the bowling ball would hit the bottom of the bucket at 30 degrees F first, having been slowed dramatically by the water in the other bucket. The location is a red herring to distract you from the real trick. You know what they say about assuming... I do love some clever misdirection.

On an unrelated note, I'm wondering how the new script is working for you. I love it, but I'm not the one reading it. So, what do you think? Yay for the new script font or nay? Is it too much of a bother? Let me know. I've actually been writing exclusively in cursive since the second day of tech training. I was amazed by how quickly I reverted back into it after abandoning it completely for print halfway through high school.

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