It's Monday. I should be getting a call sometime this week about my interview. I'm trying not to allow myself to feel anything either way about it - at least, not until I know anything either way about it. I obsess too much about these things. That can be good and bad. I mean, I didn't sleep for two days over a simply interview. It's nice to be excited about something. It's nice to have something to anticipate and experience. On the other hand, it's not productive to get all worked up about something just to be completely disappointed by the outcome. Not that I'm pessimistic, mind you. I'm just realistic. Yes, but more than that. Ambivalent would be a more appropriate appraisal. I think I have the job and I think I don't in equal measures. That sort of conflict used to drive my overly-analytical mind of absolute reason completely mad. I couldn't manage any possible paradox. I couldn't manage the conflicting data. I understand the duality of existence much better now. I accept it. It's more reasonable to me to accept two contradictions as both being true simultaneously and in spite of each other than simply denouncing both because a stalemate occurs with no foreseeable possibility of absolute resolution.
Did I mention that I have a tendency to obsess? I believe I did.
Anyway, it's a lot less stressful to simply wait for clarity and closure than to rack my brain trying to determine which - if any - is more likely. As it stands, neither seems more so. So, why worry about it? I'm not. It is what it is. Will be what it is or isn't, anyway.
Spoke to my landlord last week. He was distressed about the situation. I'm a model tenant, after all. He offered to talk to someone in the area for me. His contact owns and operates a chain of fast food establishments in the area. He offered to speak to him and put in a good word for me if I'm interested. I could fast track into management if I was determined to stay in the area. If I was determined to stay in the area, I might actually consider it. Then again, maybe not. Ok, definitely not. It's nice to know I've got options, though. Similarly nice to know I've got people concerned about me and willing to offer some form of assistance even if it's less than helpful and desirable. I do appreciate it. I do realize the gesture is more about my continued contribution to my landlord's financial stability than it is about any form of sentiment. I'm not an idiot and neither is he. It's just good business. Regardless, I still appreciate it.
I've been focusing alot of my free time - abundant as it has been lately - to preparing the apartment for its impending return to vacancy. I've repaired the damage my futon did to the wall in the living room. I replaced all the vents and ceiling tiles I removed during the cable theft incident. I haven't put the smoke detectors back in place because they're still overly sensitive and I may still cook yet, but I know where they are and will return them on my way out. I've been cleaning like mad and I'm completely packed except for the things I need to simply live for the time being: 10% of my wardrobe, 25% of my kitchen collection, 75% of my entertainment/multimedia components. I have very established priorities which I will maintain with a nearly militant determination. I really prefer the spartan look. I honestly don't think I need any of the shit I have boxed up and stacked in my bedroom. Whatever happens, I think I need to start cutting down on the vast collection of bullshit I've amassed. I've been working on that for awhile, but I could definitely commit even more to that effort. Hopefully, I will at some point.
Maybe tomorrow I'll know something that matters - assuming any of this actually does.
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