I'm gonna start a riot.

"We're going to play a game today. The name of the game is The next person to say the phrase 'You're too young to be so jaded.' gets punched in the face. A mouthful, I know. But, this is a very simple game to play since the name of the game is also how we play. Be advised, we're now officially playing this game, so do not repeat the title unless you are ready for the consequences. This game doesn't end until someone is on the floor. Crying. Now, you might be thinking to yourself: Hey. Isn't this just the 'Family Christmas Game' with a different title? The answer, of course, is yes. Yes, it is. It is exactly the same game but we don't need as many players for this version and we actually know what the magic phrase is in advance. That takes a little of the suspense and tension out of the atmosphere, but I think it will allow more people to actually win. And we all want to win, don't we? It's no fun if we have a twelve-way tie. So... good luck everyone."

Five times in the last week, that's how many times someone has said that exact phrase to me. I know you were curious. Also, yes. I did say this aloud and to a small group of people. They didn't get the whole Family Christmas Game reference (Well, not all of them. Some did, I think, on some personal level.) but I couldn't help myself. The opportunity for comedy presented itself, so I took it. Oh, I'm completely neglecting my duties as narrator/author/protagonist. For those of you who aren't as vocab savvy as you should be, here's a little help:

jad·ed (jā'dĭd)
adj.

1. Worn out; wearied: "My father's words had left me jaded and depressed" (William Styron).

2. Dulled by surfeit; sated: "the sickeningly sweet life of the amoral, jaded, bored upper classes" (John Simon).

3. Cynically or pretentiously callous.

Also, you may want to bookmark dictionary.com for future reference. If that word gives you trouble... I weep for the children.

I would like to take a moment to address my alleged jadedness. I was worn out, burnt out, stressed out. I was fed up and dead to the world by most accounts. Which is one of many reasons I took the transfer. I hated my old life, so I traded it in for a different one. It's worked out beautifully. I feel alive again. Happy, most of the time, and nearly satisfied. It's a process and I'm working on it. But, progress has been steady and good which leads me to be very optimistic about the future. Very optimistic.

As for being sated and dulled by surfeit (excess), it's no huge secret that I live well beyond my means. Although, I have been cutting back alot lately. Ever since moving here, I've been making adjustments to my standard of living and decreasing my gross exceptionally. I still have alot of bills and debts to pay off. I'm working on that. Again, it's a process and progress has been steady (slow) and good. But, I can not deny that I'm a fucking snob. Always have been, always will be. That's just how I am. I understand etiquette and social order and class structures. I am semi-cultured and prudish and usually polite to a fault. I can't help that. But, as far as amoral? I don't think so. I think I have very strong, possibly militant ethics. At least, now I do. It wasn't always the case. I used to be very dodgy. I wouldn't have trusted myself a few years ago - with anything, ever. But, I've come to recognize that I don't particularly like that side of myself. I like the person I've become, the person I've worked and still work to become. I'm still a snob, but at least I'm honest about it now.

Also, I think this would be a good time to discuss the difference between lying (Which I still do when appropriate.) and withholding/omitting information (Which I do constantly, even here.). I do not believe these to be various shades of dishonesty. Lying is dishonest. Withholding/omitting information is simply a choice which effects the extent of another person's perception of events. Consider:

Suppose we are in that preliminary phase of human contact where we are sharing information and trying to find common ground to stand on with which to build our possible relationship on. So, we're basically interviewing/interrogating each other.

You: "What's your favorite food?"
Me: "Pizza, I guess."
You: "Me, too! OMG."
Me: "Yeah, pizza rocks."

Now, that's pretty general. Pizza can mean alot of things to alot of people. Reconsider:

You: "What's your favorite food?"
Me: "Pizza and allow me to elaborate in order of favorite to like to barely tolerate: Philly Cheese Steak, Mexican, Spicy Chicken, Supreme (all meats and vegetables), Sausage, Macaroni, Pepperoni, Cheese, Vegetable, Hawaiian."
You: "You barely tolerate Hawaiian pizza? That's my favorite. And I'm from Hawaii, you asshole."
Me: "Well... maybe you should go back there and shove some disgusting pineapple pizza in your face hole."

This is a very ugly result. Could we have possibly compromised and shared a Supreme pizza? Sure, and we'd probably even be friends at some point. But, I fully disclosed every possible detail about my opinion of this particular topic. Which, you took a little personally. What's wrong with you, anyway?

I think I've made my point.

So, I don't believe myself to be amoral. I'm just a little secretive and discreet about the flow of any information I may have about anything. I am simply aware of how needless or even damaging certain information can be in certain situations. This ties back to etiquette and my polite disposition. Also, it's usually none of your damn business and sometimes it's none of mine. But, simply because I know something (Learned either directly or accidentally, doesn't matter.) is no reason to go around telling everyone else. And if I can, I will try to forget the information I'm not supposed to know. If possible. Usually doesn't work, but I try or at least act stupid when asked about it.

Now, that leaves the part about me being cynical or pretentious. I am not going to deny being cynical. No. I am. Although, I would like to point out that alot of that is just over-emphasized realism. I'm a realist. I've said it before: I'm bound by reason, just like mathematics. I am governed almost exclusively by logic. So, it's only natural that I have a predisposition toward being cynical. However, it's not like I'm perpetually negative. I make great effort to attempt to put a positive spin on even hopeless endeavors. I have a feeling an example is warranted. I won't use one of my own here. Those are usually highly improvised, situation specific, obscenely hilarious, and just as immediately forgettable afterwords. (+50 points for anyone who knows the reference I'm about to use and double that for anyone who can name the episode.) Consider:

We are on a road trip, destination unknown but plotted through GPS which I insisted we bring along. You are driving and trying your best to follow along with the robotic female voice of the GPS. You take a sudden turn, at the behest of the guidance device, onto what should be and possibly once was a bridge. As we begin to sink into the lake, I make an offhand comment:

"Well, at least we don't have to explain this to the folks at OnStar. Because, that, would be embarrassing."

Sure, that's still cynical. But, I'm attempting to alleviate the stress of the situation through humor and limit the horror of it by stating how it could possibly be worse than it is. I'm not ignoring the facts (Even how very obviously this situation is mostly my fault.), I'm just not readily accepting them either.

I won't even comment on being pretentious. I've earned everything I have and am, or am still making payments/penance to that effect. Good or bad, my choices have been my own and I do not regret any of them. Collectively, they have shaped my life and as I said earlier, I am liking my life right now.

I really, really am. Every possibly jaded second of it.