Brother from another mother? Hmmm.

I just figured it out. The majority of the random people I run into out in public here in West Virginia think I'm this guy. I know what you're thinking: But J, he has decidedly less blood on his face than you usually do. I know. I'm a very intense person and it's hard for other people to reach that level of bloodlust and insanity. But he's trying. That's something, right? Anyway... Meet Owen Schmitt. Here he is with his face covered in his own blood as he prepares to take the field for the Seattle Seahawks. Now, you're really confused. Why in the hell would anyone in West Virginia confuse me with a professional football player for Seattle? Well, he wasn't always a professional football player and he's no longer with Seattle. Now he's in Philadelphia. Even more confused? I know. The world is crazy and random and usually doesn't make any sense. But this does. Or at least, it will once I explain it to you. Just enjoy this clueless moment. Still nothing? What if he catches another football? Does that help? You know I'm enjoying this. In fact, I'm not sure I want to complete this post. I'm having too much fun. Secrets are delicious. Football is also delicious. This is my current favorite post of all time. Love it. So, I guess you're more than ready to know the whole truth now. Oh, the suspense! This is the image I found while running a Google search for "West Virginia crazy". The original plan was to write a post about how I'm adapting to the culture and community of West Virginia and all the things that make it "Wild and Wonderful". When I saw this photo, I said "Look at that crazy fucker. He's got my hair. And my mouth. Oh. I get it now." Then I sent the googlebots after Schmitt. Neither disappointed. Scmitt was a walk-on at WVU. (Gasp! What?) That's right. He played college football in Morgantown and West Virginia fell in love with him. And why not? Look at that mug. Check out his wiki. Schmitt came to West Virginia with nothing but a dream and a mohawk, much like me, and he left with an enormous fan base and a highly lucrative career, much like me (I hope.). Schmitt left West Virginia to play for the NFL, which explains why no one has seen him around lately. But he was a very, very big deal and still is after playing fiercely for the Mountaineers. When you account for the physical similarities between us and the coincidental fact that I now reside in a state that completely adores the guy, it's not a huge leap for most people to assume we are in fact the same person - especially when I just show up at random around the area highly populated by his loyal and loving fan club. So, that explains part of it, but it leaves one unanswered question: Is Owen Schmitt responsible for people continuously soliciting me for illegal substances? I don't think so. I believe that's someone else entirely and I doubt I'll ever know anything more about that person. I base this theory of yet another alternate copy of myself from the press interviews I've been watching and the fan testimonials. Schmitt seems like a really decent guy - if not somewhat crazy. But when you've got that much testosterone flooding your veins, there's very little chance of being anything remotely close to sane. He seems like a genuinely appreciative and respectful guy. Now, I'm not saying that this means he's incapable of committing crimes such as possession, intent to sell, or even trafficking, but there are no records of him ever being arrested or suspected of any of these things. (He did have a DUI charge which was reduced to reckless driving and resulted in community service, but he apologized for that and that only proves that living in Seattle makes people more prone to alcoholism and poor decision making. Hi, K. That one's for you. LoL.) Anyway, I don't believe that he is responsible for those instances of mistaken identity. Even if that is the case, I'd prefer to think better of both of us. I do, however, believe he is the reason why random strangers (especially males between the ages of 25-50 and females between the ages of 25-30) are so helpful and flirtatious (respectfully, but not always). No, being mistaken for Schmitt is always a good thing for me - regardless of whether I'm interested or appreciative of that specific kind of sudden attention. It feels good, even if it's not actually about me or for me. In a way, it kind of is because I'm the physical body present and the object of that affection/attention. But it's really not. I'm not crazy in that way. Understanding the actual reason for the case of mistaken identity and being aware of the intended target of it helps me make more sense of what had previously been fascinating in that "why the hell does this keep happening" sort of way. Anyway, it's been fun and now it'll be more fun since I've landed myself on the inside of this joke. I'm sure at least some of you are wondering how he got all that blood on his face in the first photo of this post. Let me solve that mystery with a term that usually ends with most people being psychologically evaluated and possibly committed: self-inflicted injury. Yep. It could just as easily have occurred as the result of a tackle or other mishap during the course of a professional football game, but it didn't. It happened during the player introductions and the game hadn't even started yet before Schmitt received several stitches after falling victim to his own savage intensity and the protective gear meant to prevent exactly that sort of thing. See. We're not so different, afterall. We're equally intense and reckless with ourselves. However, if that photo montage was not graphic enough for you, I found a video of it on YouTube. Enjoy. There are several other YouTube videos from games, interviews, and even several fan tributes. The best thing to come from this sudden discovery? I have finally figured out my Halloween costume for this year. Even better, mine comes with a demotivational poster. Can't wait. This will be the best year ever. Hurray for Owen Schmitt! Photobucket banned the poster. Trust me, it's not a huge loss for anyone. I'll post Halloween pics as soon as I get some.